


Of Neo Cavalreapers and Xenotheorists

by krazieLeylines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Multi, mentions of past Gamzee Makara♠Terezi Pyrope, some minor Terezi Pyrope♥Karkat Vantas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1728770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazieLeylines/pseuds/krazieLeylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friendship is absolutely repugnant to adult trolls. Despite this, twelve trolls remain in contact with one another well beyond their ninth sweep. Eridan owns his own spaceship, the Orphaner, along with his ashenmates and fellow gamblignants. Tavros joins the ranks of the neo cavalreapers, with his ghostly moirail to aid him in spying on suspicious figures in the government. Terezi and Sollux crack down on carapacean crime on the lovely golden planet of Prospit. Equius, Nepeta, Gamzee and Karkat are on route to a new, unconquered planet, populated heavily with an unfriendly alien race. And Feferi waits in the shadowy halls of Derse, biding her time until she can overtake the throne.</p><p>The humans on Earth have just experienced their first brush with alien life-- a strange anthropomorphic salamander that gets affectionately nicknamed Casey. Xenotheorist Rose Lalonde and her fiance ectobiologist John Egbert look to the stars for more clues about life outside human's current knowledge, unaware that their second extraterrestrial encounter is just an imperial fleet away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Neo Cavalreapers and Xenotheorists

Friendship has always been a dirty word to all of trollkind, or at least those with enough sense to be offended by the very concept. Building a social group of competitive rivalries and possible future quadrantmates was perfectly acceptable for a troll of three, four, or five sweeps. Six, seven sweeps, even then it was understandable, if a somewhat repugnant activity, among peers. 

Karkat Vantas was ten sweeps, in training to become a threshecutioner, no longer living on the child planet of Alternia. It would have been laughable for his comrades in arms to know that he was still in touch with no less than seven other trolls scattered across the galaxy, none of them which he intended to fill a quadrant with. 

At the age of nine sweeps, he, like all other trolls in his hatch group, were interrogated on their future plans and quizzed for abilities to fulfil said future plans. His blood had to be taken, which was darkened with a dye Sollux had created for him, so that his caste could be registered into the system, along with the date his first filial pail was due. The drone questioning Karkat had also asked for all his filled quadrants.

It was required for all trolls to be placed on the same ship as all registered conciliatory mates, as the whole purpose of conciliatory romance was about individual emotional pacification and societal mediation, depending on the quadrant. Concupiscent quadrants were recorded for the purposes of bringing the necessary pairings together for successful reproduction.

All very standard procedure and Karkat was amazed that he wasn’t one of the trolls slated for laborious servitude for being too low on the hemospectrum to be anything but a burden to the empire.

As it turned out, Karkat was granted a pass to one of the cult-owned ships, the Hokus Pokus, and a two-troll block to stay with his moirail, Gamzee. Karkat’s own training was done in the way of a wriggler’s schooling, mostly through technology based simulations, because there were no other threshecutioners aboard the Hokus Pokus. It was, however, filled to the brim with training laughsassins, his own moirail included. 

A sweep later, Karkat and Gamzee had settled on Billiards, a planet that had been conquered eons ago, and was populated mostly by clown-worshiping highbloods and some fuzzy green aliens aptly named by the Empress as leprechauns. There, Gamzee worked as a hired hit-man for corrupted officials, and Karkat found a place to finish the rest of his training in person, alongside a few other trolls bound and determined to join the esteemed ranks of the threshecutioners. It was a comfortable, if unglamorous, existence, and despite the luxury that was sharing a hive safely with his pale half, Karkat had no clue what his true life expectancy was. He was impatient for what he always referred to as his “big break”.

No one knew what that meant, least of all Karkat himself, but he knew he was meant for something, to be a leader of some grand mission that would change the very nature of the galaxy. He just had no clue what that was yet. 

It didn’t help that Karkat didn’t really have anyone to talk to aside from his lessons and Gamzee. Most time that Karkat wasn’t at the academy or training on his own, he spent, as strange as it seemed, online, using an incredibly outdated messaging system to keep in touch with his friends from back on Alternia, quadrantmates and non-quadrantmates alike.

Thankfully, filial pail season was coming up, the first ever one that Karkat’s hatch group would be participating in, which gave him something else to think about other than his daily bouts of irritable impatience. 

Terezi, who was working as a legislacerator on a planet called Prospit, was scheduled to visit sometime in the next perigee. Gamzee’s matesprit, Tavros, was likewise visiting, taking a break from his laborious job on the manufactured planet known simply and ominously as the Green Sun. The visit would likely take place over several weeks, and Karkat was beyond ecstatic for the reunion.

Gamzee, of course, felt quite the same. 

\--

\--adiosToreador [AT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]--  
AT: hEY, gAMZEE,  
AT: i HAVE SOME NEWS, tHAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO HEAR,  
TC: ShIiIiIiIiT, yEaH!  
TC: Of CoUrSe I wAnT tO bE gEtTiNg A sLiCe Of ThAt SpEcIaL nOiSe YoU aRe AlL wAnTiNg To DrOp StRaIgHt InTo My AuDiToRy SpOnGe.  
TC: GiVe Me ThE fOuR oNe OnE, dEePeSt Of AlL fLuSh BrOtHeRs.  
AT: iT TOOK SOME TIME, aND UH, a WHOLE LOT OF TASKS MEANT ONLY TO EMBARRASS ME, aND i GUESS, tEST MY LOYALTY,  
AT: bUT i CAN NOW OFFICIALLY SAY, wITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, tHAT MY PEERS HAVE ACCEPTED ME INTO THEIR MOVEMENT,   
AT: i AM NOW ONE OF THEM, i AM NOW A nEO cAVALREAPER,  
TC: DaAaAaAaMn, My MoSt BeLoVeD oF aLl HeArT lOvErS. i’M jUsT bLeEdInG pUrE mOtHeRfUcKiN’ dElIgHt FrOm My VeInS aT tHiS wIcKeD bItChTiTs AcHiEvEmEnT oF yOuRs.  
TC: NoT tHaT yOu DoN’t Go DoInG yOuR bEsT tO bE mAkInG mE pRoUd To CaLl YoU mY mAtEsPrIt EaCh AnD eVeRy MoThErFuCkIn DaY yO, bUt NoW yOu’Re StEpPiNg Up YoUr GaMe To ThIs NiGh UnReAcHaBlE tIeR oF tOtAl ThRoW dOwN bAdAsSeRy.  
TC: ShIt, MaN. tHiS iS jUsT dAmN bEaUtIfUl.  
AT: iS IT, pERHAPS, aLSO SOMETHING TO DO WITH MIRACLES, hEHE,  
TC: AbSo MoThErFuCkIn LuTeLy TaVbRo My ScArLeT sWeEtHeArT. mIrAcLeS iS wHaT yOu DoNe CrEaTeD wItH bOtH yOuR wIcKeD sKiLlEd AsS hAnDs, MiRaClEs Is WhAt AlL aBiDe AnD aBeTtEd ThIs SiCk TrIaL bY fIrE yOu MaDe OuT oF lIkE gRuB’s PlAy.  
AT: hAHAHA, wOW,  
AT: sOMETIMES i DON’T KNOW WHAT i SHOULD SAY, wHEN YOU PRAISE ME LIKE THAT,  
AT: iN WHAT i CAN ONLY ASSUME, iS EARNEST, aND ENTIRELY TRUTHFUL SHARING OF YOUR FEELINGS, aBOUT ME, dESPITE SOUNDING MORE LIKE FLATTERY,  
AT: iT’S ALWAYS SURPRISING TO ME, tO SEE MYSELF THROUGH YOUR GAZE,  
AT: eSPECIALLY NOW,  
TC: I dOn’T gOt OnE cLuE uP iN mY pAn AbOuT wHaT yOu’Re TrYiNg To Be TeLlInG mE, tAvRoS. i KnOw YoU’rE aLwAyS sAyInG yOu ThInK i GoT sOmE rOsY gOgGlEs PuLlEd On OvEr My PeEpErS wHeN iT cOmEs To My HeArT’s DeSiRe, BuT i AiN’t EvEn LoOkInG aT yOu RiGhT nOw, TaVbRo, So ThAt WoUlD jUsT bE dOwN sHiT iMpOsSiBlE.  
TC: I aM tHiNkInG aBoUt YoU a WhOlE mOtHeRfUcKiN lOt LaTeLy ThOuGh.  
AT: yOU KNOW i MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY, bUT THAT’S OKAY, bECAUSE IT WAS A PRETTY CUTE JOKE,  
AT: i LIKED THE PUNCHLINE, eSPECIALLY,  
AT: aND, i THINK ABOUT YOU A LOT, tOO, aLL THE TIME, aND NOT JUST NOW THAT FILIAL PAIL SEASON IS NEAR,  
AT: wHICH IS WHAT i WANTED TO TALK ABOUT, sECONDLY,  
TC: YeAh? HeHeHeH, yEaH, i’M nOt MiNdInG a LiTtLe BiT oF cOnCuPiScEnT cHaTtInG, nOt At MoThErFuCkIn AlL, sO nO nEeD tO bE aLl CuTeLy ShY aRoUnD iT.  
AT: uM, aCTUALLY,  
AT: bEFORE YOU, uH, sTART LETTING YOUR THINK PAN MIGRATE, oVER TO THE STREET DEHYDRATION SYSTEM,   
AT: tHERE IS A DRAWBACK, tO BEING ACCEPTED AS A nEO cAVALREAPER,  
AT: mAINLY, i WILL HAVE TO SKIP, uH, tAKING PART IN, tHIS SWEEP’S FILIAL PAIL CONTRIBUTION,  
AT: i HAVE JUST BEEN ASSIGNED SOMEONE TO MONITOR, a TASK i CANNOT COMPLETE, iF i AM ON ROUTE TO ANOTHER PLANET, oR TAKING A VACATION WITH MY MATESPRIT,  
TC: Oh.  
AT: i’M SORRY, oF COURSE, i’D RATHER SPEND THE NEXT PERIGEE WITH YOU,  
AT: bUT IT WOULD KIND OF SUCK, tO ABANDON MY FIRST MISSION, jUST AFTER THEY HAVE ACCEPTED ME,  
AT: aS A SERVANT, nO DRONES WILL COME KNOCKING FOR ME, dETERMINED TO GATHER MY GENES FOR THE NEXT GENERATION OF TROLLS, sO YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY, nOT ABOUT MY SAFETY,  
TC: BuT, uHhHhH  
TC: TaVrOs, ThAt’S aLl HiTcHiNg On ThE fAcT tHaT i GoT tO fInD mE a NeW tRoLl To Be ReDrOm FuCkInG.  
AT: yEAH, i KNOW,,,  
TC: So, ShIt, UhHhHhHhHhHhH  
TC: ArE yOu LiKe… BrEaKiNg AlL uP wItH a MoThErFuCkEr?  
AT: wHAT, nO,  
AT: oF COURSE NOT, i STILL LOVE YOU, aND BELIEVE WE ARE SERENDIPITOUSLY MATCHED, fOR THE FLUSHED QUADRANT,  
AT: i DON’T WANT YOU, tO EVEN PRETEND TO LOVE ANOTHER, tHE WAY YOU DO ME,  
AT: bUT AS IT STANDS, wE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE, bECAUSE THE MAN i’M MONITORING, iS NOT A TROLL, aND DOES NOT APPEAR TO NEED TO REPRODUCE,  
AT: uNLESS HE DECIDES TO TRAVEL TO bILLIARDS, fOR THE NEXT PERIGEE, iN A BOUT OF DUMB LUCK, tHERE’S NO WAY i CAN MAKE THE TRIP THERE, aND RISK MISSING SOMETHING IMPORTANT,  
TC: BuT, tAv…  
TC: I aIn’T gOnNa Be LoViNg No MoThErFuCkEr LiKe YoU. yOu ArE oWnInG aLl PaRtS oF mY bLoOd PuShEr, I aIn’T gOt NoNe Of My OwN tO bE sHaRiNg WiTh AnYoNe. HoW cAn I mAkE gRuB sLuRrY wItH a TrOlL i DoN’t CaRe NoNe FoR iN tHe FuCkIn LeAsT?  
AT: wELL, yOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A SUITABLE KISMESIS, aLSO,  
AT: wHILE i KNOW FOR A FACT, tHAT YOU CONTINUE TO HAVE UNREQUITED PITCH FEELINGS, fOR kARKAT’S MATESPRIT,  
AT: sO YOU WERE ALREADY PLANNING ON DOING IT, sORT OF,  
TC: BuT mY fEeLiNgS fOr YoU aRe BeInG aS rEqUiTeD aS rEqUiTeD gEtS, mAn. I cAn’T gO rOuNd YoUr MoThErFuCkIn BaCk LiKe SoMe SoRt Of BaCkStAbBiNg HeArTs ThIeF.  
AT: i KNOW, i KNOW,  
AT: i DON’T WANT THIS ANY MORE THAN YOU DO, tRUST ME,  
AT: i TRUST YOU, gAMZEE, eNOUGH THAT YOU WON’T BE CHEATING ON ME IN YOUR HEART, wHERE IT COUNTS,  
TC: Of CoUrSe I mOtHeRfUcKiN wOn’T.  
TC: YoU’rE tHe OnLy TrOlL i’Ve EvEr GoT mY bLoOd PuMp PaNgInG aLl PaInFuL aNd PiTiFuL oN fOr. SeEmS iN mY kNoWlEdGe GaPpEd MiNd ThAt ThE uNiVeRsE aLl SeT uS uP tHeMsElVeS, lIkE sOmE sHiPpInG gOdS oR sOmE sHiT lIkE tHaT.  
AT: hAHAHA, aH,  
AT: nEPETA WOULD APPROVE OF THAT ANALOGY, i’M SURE,  
AT: i FEEL THE SAME WAY, aLTHOUGH i SUCK AT EXPRESSING IT, i’M NOT LYING WHEN i SAY i LOVE YOU,  
AT: aLL THE WAY, dEEP DOWN, fROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART,  
AT: i REALLY DON’T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER SWEEP, jUST TO SEE YOU, aND KISS YOU AGAIN, aT LAST, bUT THAT’S NOT MY DECISION,  
TC: It’S bEiNg ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN nEo CaVaLrEaPeRs’ StUpId AsS dEcIsIoN.  
AT: hAHA, yEAH,  
AT: i AM SORRY, tHOUGH,  
TC: NaW bRoThEr, YoU aIn’T gOt A dAmN tHiNg To GeT yOuR aPoLoGiEs AlL a GoInG fOr. I’m RiGhT pRoUd YoU fOuNd YoUrSeLf SoMeThInG tO bE pUtTiNg YoUr MoThErFuCkIn AlL iNtO.   
TC: I tHoUgHt I gOt WiNd Of YoU sAyInG sOmEtHiNg To ThE eXtEnT oF tHiS bEiNg YoUr CaLlInG eArLiEr.  
AT: i DID SAY THAT, yEAH, aND i STILL BELIEVE IT, mORE THAN EVER,  
TC: WeLl, I tHiNk In My MoSt AlL hUmBlE oPiNiOn ThAt ThAt ThErE iS sOmE wIcKeD sHiT wOrTh WaItInG aNoThEr SwEeP tO bE gEtTiNg My HaNdS oN yOuR hAnDsOmE aSs FoR.  
AT: hAHAHA, oH, wOW,  
AT: i GUESS YOUR PAN’S OFFICIALLY THERE, iN THE STREET DEHYDRATION SYSTEM, i MEAN,  
TC: HeHeHeH, wHeN dId YoU gEt It In YoUr MiNd ThAt It WaS eVeR oN oUt Of ThAt DiRtY oLd DePrEsSiOn In ThE aSpHaLt? JuSt ThE sIgHt Of YoUr TyPiNg CoLoR cAn Be EnOuGh To ThInKiNg AlL sOrTs Of WiCkEd BaD sHiT aBoUt YoU aNd Me, AnD uS.  
AT: i’VE GOTTEN THAT IMPRESSION, bY NOW,  
AT: aND i WOULD LOVE TO DISCUSS, aLL THOSE THOUGHTS MY BROWN TEXT STIRS UP, bUT CAN WE DO THAT LATER,  
AT: i’M STILL ON MISSION, aND THIS CHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BRIEF,  
TC: OhHh.  
TC: YeAh, Of MoThErFuCkIn CoUrSe It CaN bE pLaCeD oN hOlD fOr A mOrE cOnVeNiEnT tImE, mAn.  
TC: I’lL bE hErE aLl DaY, wAiTiNg On Up FoR yOu.  
AT: wOW, tHANK YOU,  
AT: i AM REALLY LUCKY, tO HAVE YOU FOR A MATESPRIT,  
AT: gOODBYE, gAMZEE, aND i LOVE YOU,  
TC: I lOvE yOu MoRe ThAn A wHoLe MoThErFuCkIn DiCtIoNaRy CaN cOnVeY…  
TC: <3 :o)  
AT: <3 }:o)

\--adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]--

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]--  
CG: THE FUCK IS ABOUT YOU NOT COMING FOR FILIAL PAIL SEASON?  
AT: i’M NOT COMING,  
AT: nO OFFENSE, bUT i’M BUSY, aND gAMZEE SHOULD BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN IT ALL,   
CG: AND YOU DIDN’T THINK YOU NEEDED TO TELL ME BECAUSE…?  
AT: sIMPLE, i KNEW gAMZEE WOULD TELL YOU, lIKE HE TELLS YOU EVERYTHING ELSE,  
CG: YEAH, FUCKING DUH, I’M HIS MOIRAIL. OF COURSE HE TELLS ME SHIT. HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING, FROM HIS DAYMARES TO HIS GODDAMN BOWEL MOVEMENTS.  
AT: uH, eWW,  
CG: BUT WHAT I’M FAILING TO COMPREHEND IS WHY YOU DIDN’T THINK IT WAS NECESSARY TO AT LEAST GIVE ME A CHANCE TO CHEW YOUR AURICLE OFF FOR MAKING THIS STUPID AS FUCK DECISION. ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU DON’T SEEM AT ALL WORRIED ABOUT THE VERY REAL CONCEQUENCES GAMZEE AND I WILL HAVE TO FACE FOR YOUR DUMBFUCK MISTAKE.  
AT: gAMZEE WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE, tO STAND IN AS HIS FLUSHED QUADRANTMATE,  
CG: YEAH, I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING TO THAT EXTENT THROUGH GAMZEE’S ENDESS FUCKING STREAM OF BLUBBERING GRUBFUCK TEARS. I THOUGHT SURELY YOU HAD MORE BASIC DECENCY FOR SUCH A STUNT, BUT HEY, WE CAN’T BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME.  
AT: i DON’T ENJOY THE IDEA OF gAMZEE TOUCHING ANOTHER TROLL, aNY MORE THAN HE DOES,  
CG: AND YET THAT SEEMS TO BE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. HMMMM.  
AT: i CAN’T STOP IT, kARKAT, tHIS IS NONNEGOTIABLE,   
CG: BY YOU, OR THAT GAGGLE OF PANSY ASS HIVE SLAVES THAT CALL THEMSELVES AN ANARCIST GROUP?  
AT: bY THE nEO cAVALREAPERS, yEAH,  
AT: nOT EVERYONE IS PRIVILEGED ENOUGH, tO LIVE IN COMFORT UNDER A GOVERNMENT THAT WOULD OTHERWISE OPPRESS THEM, yOU KNOW,  
CG: DON’T HATE ME FOR YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS, NITRAM.  
CG: SPEAKING OF, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE HAD THE COMMON SENSE TO WARN ME ABOUT HOW I WOULD HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER KISMESIS.  
AT: i THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING THAT, bEFOREHAND,  
CG: WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT?  
AT: wHAT ELSE WERE YOU GOING TO TELL gAMZEE, wHEN HE ASKED WHO FILLED YOUR SPADE PAIL,  
AT: oR WAS YOUR PLAN TO LIE TO HIM, aBOUT US COUPLING,  
CG: …  
CG: OKAY, OKAY, GOOD POINT. I GUESS.  
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE I WANT TO LIE TO GAMZEE. I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD AVOID THE SUBJECT, WHENEVER POSSIBLE. HIS NATURAL SETTING IS CLUELESS WRIGGLER MINDED DOPE. I DIDN’T SEE IT AS BEING A HARD TASK.  
AT: oMITTING THE TRUTH, yOU REALIZE, iS STILL LYING,  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER.  
CG: AT LEAST THIS WILL GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO SNATCH UP A TROLL WHO ISN’T A PREVIOUSLY PARAPLEGIC PISS ANT CYBORG LOSER. WHAT A GODDAMN RELIEF THAT WOULD BE.   
AT: dID YOU CALL ME, a LOSER,  
CG: YEAH. WHAT, YOU’RE NOT GOING BLIND LIKE TEREZI, NOW ARE YOU? I SURE AS SHIT HOPE NOT. SHE CAN ACTUALLY PULL THAT OFF IN A BADASS BITCH WAY THAT YOUR SIMPLE THINK PAN ISN’T DEVELOPED ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND.  
AT: dO YOU STILL CALL YOURSELF, wHAT WAS IT,  
AT: oH YEAH,  
AT: tHE tHRESH pRINCE OF bILLIARDS,  
CG: …  
AT: aND i AM THE LOSER, yOU SAY,  
AT: aLSO, cYBORGS ARE REALLY COOL, aND ALSO TOTALLY IN RIGHT NOW,  
AT: yOU COULDN’T HATE ANOTHER TROLL ROMANTICALLY, aS YOU DO ME, aND WE BOTH KNOW IT,  
AT: sO DON’T PRETEND OTHERWISE, tO MAKE ME JEALOUS,  
CG: WELL, THE SAME GOES FOR YOU, FUDGETARD.  
AT: i DIDN’T SAY OTHERWISE,  
AT: nOW, i REALLY HAVE TO GO, iN ALL SERIOUSNESS,  
AT: gOODBYE,  
CG: LATER, NERD.  
CG: <3<  
AT: <3<

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]--

Karkat snorted, turning off his phone so he could focus, once more, on his moirail, who was squished up against him in the recoupercoon after having cried himself to exhaustion. Karkat put his arm around the slumbering Gamzee, offering his head a few gentle paps. “It’s going to be okay,” Karkat said drowsily, with a hint of a growl in his voice, “We’re going to be okay.”


End file.
